Wednesday, May 12, 2004
Arrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhh! I think i am going crazy! 2day was an ultimate Gbu day man....! Sucks big time! I hate it! I am like a possessed person! This is not me, not Kenneth! It's as if i am suffering from emotional distress or something! Maybe like Tamara like that, suffering from depression! I don't want! Arrrgghhh! Helppp! I just can't help it.... MAYBE IT'S ALL MY FAULT! It's my problem, not others... It's a looongg story... Perhaps i am just too sensitive.... I think i'm really crazy, telling Adam i am cynical, i hate the world, i hate it! I dunnoe what came over me.... I lost control, so directionless... I even told Adam i am suffering from an incurable disease, like AIDS and i would be ostracized by the world! I even asked him to bury me in NYJC's soccer field should i die or else i will haunt him! I am MAD! A man who talks sense to himself is no madder than a man who talks nonsense to himself! Grrr....
Today really sucks... Even Cheepeng lost his temper! He's such a nice and cool guy, and he actually sort of scolded us for not bring lecture notes and his tutorial essay outlines! And what's worse was that i was the only one who did his essay outline other than the 3 girls( of course they will do lar... or else the sky would have collapse man...) Sab, Daena, Adam, Weini, Mich didn't do and in the end kanna chased out of class along with the rest... God... The tutorial i spent with the 3 girls was untolerable... The atmosphere was filled to the brim with stress! Just stress,stress and stress! Walau, can't stand it man.. I nearly choked on that still air in there...Especially Cynthia, who kept tormenting me with her IF-I-DON'T-STUDY-I-WILL-DIE attitude! She even said that she would booked her whole Sunday to do the essay! WAHHHH! I nearly fainted when she said that! There's like a horrified expression on my face man! And worse of all, i don't really understand the history facts thar they said... Okie... My fault for not studying but it's really as if they study 25 HOURS A DAY! Horror... No wonder JJ don't want to sit with them today... He rather risked getting killed by a bicycle chain by that GOD-KNOWS-HIS-NAME by sitting with IT and Kat... Wah... Can't stand it man.... Haiz... Want to go fishing after school but when i returned home, i found out i don't have bait liao! Think my dad finished that last few pieces of bread... Shucks man... Can't even go cool myself by fishing... When i am sad, fishing really helps a lot... Or my favourite grass jelly drink, which cheers me up with its cool feeling when i touches my tongue... Haiz....
I really don't know what to do with myself... Am i psycho or something??? I think i am just plain crazy... Anyway, the BIG THING... Credit to Sab and Daena, nothing could escape your eyes... U guys really know me, i am so glad to have both of you as my friends! The moment i am sad, u guys know it... No wonder people say girls are the most sensitive people around... That's really true... I am so SAD! When Daena and Sab came my house on Monday, Daena asked me whether am i gonna tell Weini my feelings (or fealing) at the end of the year... All i said was " I don't know " I really really don't know! I began to ponder over it and today, i finally realized something... I din miss Weini when she's down with gastric flu and absent herself from school for the past 2 days... It really tells myself something, that maybe i don't like or love her anymore... The feeling has subsided, time swept it away... This morning, when she finally returned back to school, she din even bother to come over and say anything to me... Instead, she hugged Michelle lar, talked with Adam lar, and Daena and Sab, all except me... This really sends me the signal... When i smsed her on Monday, asking her how is she feeling and whether she's all right, she din even bother to reply me... I think it's really time to give up... Stop deceiving yourself, Kenneth! U have to snap out of your trance, your self-belief that you still like her! Wake up! Stop cheating yourself emotionally! It's not worth it! She's a nice girl, but both of you are just destined to be friends... Wake up... The signals she's sending shows that she's uninterested! Look forward, don't look back... Get on with your life! Yes, that's it... Get on with my life, with or without her... With or without love... Maybe there's no such thing as love... It's all a sham, a lie to deceive us... It may sound cynical but it may be true... I think i will remain single forever... No one wants me... I am just an idiot, a coward, a crazy one... Life sucks... Really sucks... Why, Why, WHY???!!! I hate it... Wake up! The first words she spoke to you were what? 2 words! "Tissue Paper"... Forget it... I am so useless... But i won't cry... i never and i shall not... It's not worth it...
Sigh.... Such a relief... To say all these out instead of cooping it inside myself... Tomorrow will be a better day... This is not me... I don't know who wrote all these crap... A person void of love, soul and mind perhaps... Idiot... This must be one of the longest post i ever wrote... A moment of madness...
Today really sucks... Even Cheepeng lost his temper! He's such a nice and cool guy, and he actually sort of scolded us for not bring lecture notes and his tutorial essay outlines! And what's worse was that i was the only one who did his essay outline other than the 3 girls( of course they will do lar... or else the sky would have collapse man...) Sab, Daena, Adam, Weini, Mich didn't do and in the end kanna chased out of class along with the rest... God... The tutorial i spent with the 3 girls was untolerable... The atmosphere was filled to the brim with stress! Just stress,stress and stress! Walau, can't stand it man.. I nearly choked on that still air in there...Especially Cynthia, who kept tormenting me with her IF-I-DON'T-STUDY-I-WILL-DIE attitude! She even said that she would booked her whole Sunday to do the essay! WAHHHH! I nearly fainted when she said that! There's like a horrified expression on my face man! And worse of all, i don't really understand the history facts thar they said... Okie... My fault for not studying but it's really as if they study 25 HOURS A DAY! Horror... No wonder JJ don't want to sit with them today... He rather risked getting killed by a bicycle chain by that GOD-KNOWS-HIS-NAME by sitting with IT and Kat... Wah... Can't stand it man.... Haiz... Want to go fishing after school but when i returned home, i found out i don't have bait liao! Think my dad finished that last few pieces of bread... Shucks man... Can't even go cool myself by fishing... When i am sad, fishing really helps a lot... Or my favourite grass jelly drink, which cheers me up with its cool feeling when i touches my tongue... Haiz....
I really don't know what to do with myself... Am i psycho or something??? I think i am just plain crazy... Anyway, the BIG THING... Credit to Sab and Daena, nothing could escape your eyes... U guys really know me, i am so glad to have both of you as my friends! The moment i am sad, u guys know it... No wonder people say girls are the most sensitive people around... That's really true... I am so SAD! When Daena and Sab came my house on Monday, Daena asked me whether am i gonna tell Weini my feelings (or fealing) at the end of the year... All i said was " I don't know " I really really don't know! I began to ponder over it and today, i finally realized something... I din miss Weini when she's down with gastric flu and absent herself from school for the past 2 days... It really tells myself something, that maybe i don't like or love her anymore... The feeling has subsided, time swept it away... This morning, when she finally returned back to school, she din even bother to come over and say anything to me... Instead, she hugged Michelle lar, talked with Adam lar, and Daena and Sab, all except me... This really sends me the signal... When i smsed her on Monday, asking her how is she feeling and whether she's all right, she din even bother to reply me... I think it's really time to give up... Stop deceiving yourself, Kenneth! U have to snap out of your trance, your self-belief that you still like her! Wake up! Stop cheating yourself emotionally! It's not worth it! She's a nice girl, but both of you are just destined to be friends... Wake up... The signals she's sending shows that she's uninterested! Look forward, don't look back... Get on with your life! Yes, that's it... Get on with my life, with or without her... With or without love... Maybe there's no such thing as love... It's all a sham, a lie to deceive us... It may sound cynical but it may be true... I think i will remain single forever... No one wants me... I am just an idiot, a coward, a crazy one... Life sucks... Really sucks... Why, Why, WHY???!!! I hate it... Wake up! The first words she spoke to you were what? 2 words! "Tissue Paper"... Forget it... I am so useless... But i won't cry... i never and i shall not... It's not worth it...
Sigh.... Such a relief... To say all these out instead of cooping it inside myself... Tomorrow will be a better day... This is not me... I don't know who wrote all these crap... A person void of love, soul and mind perhaps... Idiot... This must be one of the longest post i ever wrote... A moment of madness...
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